First off i need you all to understand this is a completely biased, unfounded, and subjective look at these actors…this is all in good fun and I would never assume I could do a better job than them…but there are plenty of animals out there that are doing a better job than them…and would make for a much more interesting flick…Kung Fu Panda anyone!?
Rules:
Comedians (Chris Rock and Dane Cooke) not included because they are only invited to roles due to their stand-up routines. Yes they are terrible actors, but the real criminals are the producers here.
Athletes (Shaq and Arnold and the dreadful Steve Austin) are exempt because they are only there for their athletic fame and prowess. They aren’t actors.
Musicians- this seems to apply more to rappers than rockers (Ice T and 50 Cent) but occasionally pop stars (Madonna and Prince) seem to get it right more so than the others…but still are exempt from this list regardless of their pitiful performances.
And Awaaaaay Weeee Goooo!
#10 Ben Affleck:
Where to begin…With Ben Affleck riding his creative coattails, Matt Damon seemed to be immune to BA’s anti-genius. Even though starring in blockbusters like Paycheck and Gigli with legitimate actors/actresses he didn’t pick up anything of value. The fact he keeps getting jobs is as astounding as his lip-less face.
#9 Keanu Reeves:
After breaking out is some surfing flick, Keanu has left the beach. Although his career should be washed up like loose seaweed, he still lands jobs as emotionless non-humans (and those are just the romantic comedies) One day he will star in a movie as an alien and the world will be astounded at his performance, due to the fact he is an alien…then the mothership sent to pick him up will crash onto a beach somewhere to a subtle “Whoa!” from Keanu…and when he goes home…the movie world will rejoice.
#8 Vin Diesel:
I don’t know where this guy came from, but he needs to return. I am happy to report there hasn’t been a Vin sighting in a few years. Hopefully the Chronicles of Riddick-ulous was his final attempt at fooling the world into thinking he is a real actor.
#7 John Wayne:
Many will bemoan this pick, including my mother. Taking an honest look at his movies I can’t help but laugh. I now understand that he never once knew he was in a movie. The Duke must have thought that every western and war movie was really happening around him. Its sad to watch a man in his acting prime battle with senility.
#6 Sylvester Stallone:
Rocky hit a home run and his reprisal in Rocky Balboa…but he pushed his luck over the cliff onto an exploding car full of Laotians with Rambo. Not to mention his impressive string of mega flops Stop of My Mom Will Shoot and Cliffhanger. Sorry Sly…the world is just no longer in need of a muscle bound actors with limited communication abilities…We need them to be governors!
#5 Burt/Ryan Reynolds:
these two would top the list for the worst acting families just above the lowly acting Douglass’s (Kirk and Michael) Burt has passed on his uncanny ability to choose the worst roles and play them as terribly as they are written. Ryan could occasionally cause a smile or two with his sarcasm…but causes many more tears than smiles. Every role for Ryan is like watching the Amittyville Horror actually happen!
#4 Nicolas Cage:
This is a risky pick. He is a noteworthy actor in Hollywood and has played some interesting characters that he butchered into seemingly non-existence. Ghost Rider should be exorcised and gone in 60 seconds was a cruel joke that lasted more than 60 seconds. The cinematic blunder that is Nick Cage (which is a much cooler moniker)is continuing his not-hot streak with not-promising sequels. He just couldn’t leave an ok movie alone…he had to recreate it…next he will recreate Con Air…that is how the world will end!
#3 Jean-Claude Van Damme-
the next to worst martial arts actor of all time. I applaud his curious attempt at the English language, but what I cannot applaud is his endless barrage of straight-to-VHS bombs. Come on, there isn’t much to say…this one is easy!
#2 Steven Segal:
This guy’s acting is absolutely horrible. the reason he makes this list and the beloved Chuck Norris doesn’t is that CN actually appeared in a Bruce Lee flick. I have seen better acting from non-English speaking martial artists (Jet Li/Jackie Chan/Heck…even Chris Tucker who was a consideration for this list)
And the #1 Worst Actor of All-Time…drumroll…
Ben Stiller:
He tops the list…I understand this is completely subjective and biased…but he is a terrible actor. My heart and stomach switch places every time I see him ruin a funny movie. He is completely spastic and about as believable as a 3 year old with chocolate on his mouth claiming the cookies were stolen! I don’t think I could explain it well enough, but he never should have Met the Parents…in the heartbreak kid…he did exactly that. He even ruined a great moment in an awesome movie by playing a stupid Hispanic anchorman!! He haunts my movie dreams!!
