Consider that your warning…
I got an email from someone asking about what I thought about love and sex…this is my response (unedited)
Well I think this is a difficult question considering I do not understand the context from which it was formed.
Love is foundational to all relationships. But there is more than one understanding of love. You wouldn’t tell a husband that you “love” him the same way you would tell your mother you “love” her or the same way you would tell someone you “love” pizza.
Here is how love really breaks down. (outta memory sorry if details are off, the main ideas are accurate) 1) philos- a deep friendship kind of love, companionship…like in Philadelphia (city of brotherly love). 2) storge- a bond of love that exists in a family 3) eros- a sexual love shared between lovers (erotic) 4) agape- love that has NO conditions (it is a love that chooses to love regardless of if love is returned) this is the love-word that God uses to describe his love for his people. It is an ultimate embodiment of all the loves.
We tend to equate love and sex in our society. We think that we cannot love without sex, but it is a cheapened version of love. Sex is a wonderful thing and a powerful thing. It is so wonderful that it captures out thoughts and demands our attention. It is so powerful that can create life and also has the power to tear our souls apart when it is abused.
Anytime our flesh has sex (of any kind: self/mutual masturbation/oral/ etc) it causes our souls to weld itself to another. This is the reason that rape and sexual abuse is so devastating because it takes what should only be given. When our souls weld together and are torn apart it leaves incredible damage. It causes hurts and doubts and confusion and leaves nothing behind. Now that is when sex is unhealthy and at the wrong time. So what is the RIGHT time?
Well because of the damage it causes to our souls when the welding is ripped apart…it makes sense that the one you would share that experience with would be a lover whom with you had a mutual lifelong commitment. A marriage commitment.
If I had multiple sexual partners and wanted to share the rest of my life with someone I would be opening up my soul to them and they would see all the damage and insecurities left behind by previous lovers. This would be incredibly difficult to work through as a couple. Love is deeper and entirely more important than sex. Sex is wonderful and great, in the right context where it can create WANTED life and is a reflection of two souls becoming one. But LOVE is the foundation of all. When a person shuts down love they become cold and driven and never allow anyone in. When a person seeks love in their flesh and not in their soul (only God can reveal this to you) they then open up themselves to any lover who simply says words that easy to say but tough to live out. This kind of love has NO commitment because they would find it difficult to be faithful in marriage due to their never-ending desire to hear (feel) “i love you” where ever they could get it.
To say “I love you” is easy…anyone could say it. But how does one show it? If you ever saw A KNIGHT’S TALE: Jocelyn tells Will that anyone can say I will win for you…but the test of real love is will he LOSE for her. The word “passion” mean “how much pain will you endure for what you desire” (The Passion of the Christ) The real test of love is the denial of our fleshly wants to make sure our souls are protected.
I know it is long, but I hope it stirs up some thoughts for you.
